How do you forgive when you believe someone did you wrong? How do you forgive your spouse, boss, coworker, friends and family when they wronged you and you’re feeling pain, anger, hurt and resentment?
Deep betrayal cuts to your core. The kind where literally your heart hurts and body aches because it’s so painful. Shocked by the level of disloyalty, trying to make sense out of it, why? Why did they do this to me? What did I do that caused this person or people to hurt me so badly? It wasn’t ever about you, it was about their issues and deep pain and suffering.
How do you forgive? That’s a tricky thing because your ego wants to take over and make it more difficult for you to move on. The ego wants to even the score, one up, hold a grudge, eye for an eye.
You may have people in your life that consistently betray you in some way and continue to keep them around yet harbor deep feelings of resentment. This is toxic, for the reason that you’re not living in your truth, and it’s a form of abuse. Or, the one-time “cut to your core” betrayal that sends your ego to the place of no return “you’re dead to me” and you cut them out like cancer never to be heard from again. Yet, you’ll spend forever festering over the deed they did that hurt you. Again, toxic.
If you’re unbalanced emotionally, you will defend that animosity forever. It plagues your thoughts. The longer you stay in this space, it’s much more difficult to find your way back to light and a more positive outlook. When you hold a grudge, it's like poison running through your veins, longer you hold on to these negative feelings; less love you can give and receive, it drains energy, causes weight gain, chronic stress, illness and disease.
When you’re in a healthier state of mind, if someone “does you wrong,” it may be morally unacceptable to you, teeter on the fence of your values. You process it, release it and wish them the highest good.
Buddha - “holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
If you are holding a grudge against someone, you’re giving power to the person who hurt you. You have to look inside and know that you’re not forgiving someone for their sake, it’s to make you feel better and live free of toxicity.
I’m not saying go befriend whoever “did you wrong” because forgiving is one thing yet, subjecting yourself to more toxicity is not okay! If they are unwilling to change; more conscious of their behavior, by no means should you subject yourself to more of their abuse.
Maya Angelou - “It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.
It’s important to recognize everyone is connected. What you see in someone that you don’t like, is most likely a trait you don’t like about yourself. They can be a mirror to heal and gain more self-love.
When you’re lost in this lower vibrational state of mind, everyone around you starts to experience your ego and pain; its heavy and negative. The domino effect, imagine yourself as a “grudge holding” domino, you’re sending out a negative vibration that will have emotionally impact thousands and thousands of individuals.
We are part a collective consciousness, every time you feel anger, rage, and resentment, affects others and contributing to the demise of humanity. Look what’s going on in the world, chaos! American politics is a joke, terrorism is knocking at the door, starvation, segregation…news around the world is heartbreaking. There is too much negativity; moving us further and further apart until we ultimately combust from this severe disconnect.
We forget, even though we appear to be separated; similar to a grain of sand; it takes many grains of sand to make a beach and without all grains of sand coming together there’s no sandy shore. So, if you hold on to anger, hatred and hostility it doesn’t serve you or anyone else.
The next time your ego wants to take over and make it more difficult for you to move on, free yourself from this mental anguish and find forgiveness.
Mahatma Gandhi - “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”